Jay

I was quite sad that Jay Leno was cut from the talk show called "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno," in which he did a humorous monologue, looked at funny headlines, trademarked Jaywalking, interviewed famous people, and showcased various musicians for the closing act

But then he was given a new show!  It's a talk show called "The Jay Leno Show," in which he...

Wait.  He does a humorous monologue, looks at funny headlines, continues Jaywalking,  interviews famous people, and showcases various musicians for the closing act.

So what's the difference?  For me, the difference is that I'm unfortunately awake late enough to watch it.  And I'm learning something.  Maybe it was because it aired at 10:30 pm before, or maybe he had different writers, or maybe it was the lighting, but for some reason, it's just unfunny.  At 9:00 pm I'm just not tired enough to think that his repetitive puns and Kimmel-like video spoofs are inventive or even funny.  In those videos, he decides to try a bit of acting.  Guess what.  He's terrible.  My 15-year-old brother could give a more convincing "surprise face" or "devious face" or "excited face," and my brother is a one-look guy (i.e., "I didn't do anything wrong!").

Basically, it's at a bad time-slot, he must have lost some writers, and the new bright lighting doesn't pay him any favors.  He looks shorter.  Like a vulnerable old man.  And for that reason, I can still feel for him.  I was excited that he had a new show, but this just isn't what I expected.  There was the phrase "variety show" in the air last spring, and I was unpleasantly surprised to find it is just a late-night show clone.

I think it's time for Jay to spend a little more time in the garage with his cars, and let SVU come back to 9:00.  At least they can act.

I Hate Steve Wilkos

I have only seen a few episodes of The Steve Wilkos Show, but what I've seen just makes me angry to watch. I wonder... what qualifications does he even have? How is it that he has a talk show that is meant to help people by yelling through their problems? What kind of education does he have? Any? His "Meet Steve Wilkos" page [Update: this information is finally back up on his site here] offers these qualifications:

• He is 6'3''


• He was once the head of security on the Jerry Springer show


• He is an ex-marine


• He was in the chicago police department


• He filled in for Springer for about two years


• He watches cartoons with his two children


• He was in "Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me"


• He is a regular at the Chicago Cubs baseball games [removed from his updated bio, presumably because, who wants to admit being a Cubs fan?]

And, consistent to these qualifications, these are some of the services he offers:

• Steve will set an unfit parent straight


• Steve will confront someone who is destroying your life


• Steve will listen to a story that would make him explode


• Steve will talk some sense into a deadbeat parent


• Steve will help someone get out of or even want to get out of an abusive relationship


• Steve will give a someone who is in the middle of a family crisis a wakeup call


• Steve will step in the middle of a feud


• Steve will stand up to someone who has wronged you


• Steve will rescue you if you are on the run and tired of hiding

That's pretty impressive. Let me tell you what Steve will actually do. Steve will make judgments before the guests even appear on the show. Steve will get in the guests' faces and scream his opinion. Steve will never consider the fact that the "victim" could be lying. Steve will unconditionally trust fallible tests, like the lie detector test. Steve will verbally assault his guests. Steve will force out false apologies. Steve will not solve anybody's problems. Steve will only publicize them and boost up his ratings.

Steve is a moron.

And needs to be cancelled.

Blogs

I always feel so much pressure when I decide to write a blog. Not only does it have to be an interesting, original topic, but it also has to be so witty and clever. Unless I feel particularly driven to write about something, I'll just sit at my computer and stare, with my fingers on the keyboard. Lightly tapping. Just enough pressure to make noise, but not enough to make any actual keystrokes.

I find it rather soothing. Because my fingers don't even know what to write. And recently, they don't even know how to write. I can't say how many times I have to backspace something that I mistyped. This shouldn't worry me, but I'm supposed to be perfect at everything... and I'm often praised for my typing skills.

"Wow, you can type without looking at your fingers???"

"Yeah, but I have to constantly backtrack and retype EVERYTHING I write..."

A silly thing to want to be proud of.

And I think I'm getting carpal tunnel. My hand hurts, close to my wrist. Not my actual wrist, mind you, but pretty close to it. I can feel it when I bend my wrist down, like I want you to kiss my hand.

"It hurts when I do this..."

"Then don't do that..."

That's the stupidest advice I have ever heard.

I think it's all from this semester's intense typage. I'm constantly responding to emails for work. I write page-long shift reports 4 days a week. I type all my notes for class. And at 11 hours of class a week, not to mention the extra 1 hour spent for every 1 hour in class, typing outlines of my chapters, typing takes up about half of my life.

So please forgive me if any of my posts in the future are short, boring, or non-clever.

My hands and my brain are slowly turning to mush.